


Teach Me to Smile Again

by Lord_of_Spirits_and_Bazongas



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: F/F, agreia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-09-29
Packaged: 2018-04-16 07:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4617390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_of_Spirits_and_Bazongas/pseuds/Lord_of_Spirits_and_Bazongas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By a twist of fate, Agria doesn’t die alongside Presa at Nia Khera Hollowmont, but instead wakes up hospitalized in Leronde. There, she meets up with Leia once more who’s still willing to help her and become her friend. Will Agria learn to open her heart to other people once more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The New Beginning

As a spy and as a soldier, Agria was used to many types of pain: be it injuries from battles or others that were natural to her line of work. This pain now surging through her body, however, was unlike anything she had ever felt in her relatively short life thus far. It was as if she had injured every bone in her body, even the ones she didn’t know existed. Yet still, her brain refused to shut down and numb the pain in a sweet lumber of unconsciousness.  
  
She could barely move at all. It was as if her body had been disconnected from her limbs. Nothing seemed to respond to her commands. As Agria tried to raise her hand, she could only barely lift her little finger. Her head rotated just a bit, allowing Agria to search her surroundings for clues to her whereabouts. The last thing she remembered was falling down from a cliff with Presa. Now, she was waking up wherever she was now. A natural assumption would be that she was lying on the rocks right above the sea underneath the Hollowmont, avoiding a watery grave in favor of a slower, more painful end.  
  
_“How am I still alive? Is this some kind of cruel joke? Has to be…the world just wants to keep me alive for a moment longer, wanting to make me suffer for all the bad things I’ve done…typical..”_  Agria wanted to leave this world with a grin on her face, not wanting to show anyone how she was truly feeling. The world had been cruel to her, blessing her with prosperity that only nobles had, yet denying her pretty much anything else. She had wanted to curse the world and laugh at it as she left; yet the pain was too much even for her. She couldn’t speak up her mind; only grunt in her withering agony.  
  
The steady sound of waves splashing against the mountain and the rocks was like a twisted lullaby. One that helped Agria to ignore the pain and slowly give in to her fate. The pain was numbing her senses and slowly causing her eyes to close.  
_“So the last person I ever saw…was that stupid pimple Leia…”_  Agria pondered as she looked up in hopes of seeing the cliff, yet the combination of her now awful vision and mist surrounding her made it practically impossible for her to see if she was still there.  
  
_“…Why did she try to save me? Why did she risk her own life to try and save mine? I…I don’t understand…”_  Agria could feel herself fainting at any moment. Before passing out, she kept hearing the same sounds she heard before falling, calling out her name. Was her brain reliving past experiences again?   
The first thing Agria could register was a faint sound of people talking. Judging by the volume, they weren’t in the same room as she was; yet they had clearly left the door open. That much she could tell. She couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying, but what little she did manage to salvage was that her name was mentioned multiple times.  
  
_“Who…where…?”_  Agria tried to look around, yet now her neck couldn’t move at all, leaving her to stare the ceiling for the most part. She was clearly in the midst of civilization; the medical equipment clearly indicated that they weren’t in Nia Khera.  
  
“I know what she did, I was there doctor Derrick, but she deserves to be treated like everyone else still! Isn’t it a vow you took, that you would uphold every life, no matter what?!” Agria couldn’t see who was talking, but she recognized that voice even without seeing her. It was that girl, the same girl who had so desperately tried to save her. The name ‘Derrick’ did ring a bell. It was a name Alvin had mentioned a few times. It didn’t take long for Agria to put some names together and come to the conclusion that this doctor who was taking care of her was the father of that love-struck young man Jude.  
  
_“Just my rotten luck…as if he wants to keep me alive when I just tried to kill his son…”_ Agria couldn’t really blame him for wanting to leave her to rot. If she was in his shoes, she would have most likely done the same. She was still their enemy, and in war, one shouldn’t feel pity for their enemies. The quick death Agria had hoped for after her defeat had been denied, only for her misery to be prolonged.  
  
“I know that Leia, but you can’t really expect me to be all sunshine and smiles when that same girl just tried to murder you and Jude?” A male voice grunted, very clearly annoyed and at limit of their patience.  
  
“Well, to be honest with you, you’re very rarely smiling in general” Leia was quick to comment, to which Derrick didn’t seem to have a good counter argument.  
  
“…Fine, but I’ll only do what’s necessary for her. If you want something extra for her, you’re going to have to do that on your own, understood?”  
  
“Yes, understood”  
  
Agria couldn’t see who was stepping into the room, yet it didn’t take a detective to figure out that it was indeed Leia.  
  
“Um…so you’re…awake now, huh?” Leia coughed, breaking the silence alongside the steady beeping of Agria’s heart monitor.  
  
“Barely…” Agria replied dryly and quietly. Her voice was so weak and quiet that Agria herself had a hard time hearing what she had just said.  
“…Tell me…what happened to me…and don’t give me any of that…sympathy bullshit…just tell me things straight out, all right?”  
  
“Well…” Leia stood up, facing her. Agria could tell by the look she had in her eyes that the damage she had taken was indeed severe, yet clearly she was trying to make it sound less bad than it in reality was.  
“You…are paralyzed Agria. Your legs won’t be able to move again, I’m afraid. Your spine took some pretty bad hits when you fell down…” Leia mumbled, shuffling her fingers against one another while doing her best to avoid Agria’s glare.  
  
“I know there’s more…go on” Agria spat out.  
  
“Your right eye…it had to be removed as well…” Agria hadn’t even realized why her vision was more limited than usually. At first, she had figured out that she either had a patch over her eye, or she was simply too dizzy to see properly. But the grim reality was a different tale altogether.  
  
“…I see.” Agria replied after taking her time. The worrisome look in Leia’s eyes was one that always made Agria’s blood boil, yet despite her rising urge to punch her, Agria couldn’t really even lift her finger now to flip her off.  
  
_“I…I really shouldn’t fight her now…not like I’m in any position to even do so…”_    
  
“But you know…the most important part of your recovery is having a cheerful attitude. You can recover from this, Agria, I KNOW you can! A tough girl like you? This will only be a…temporary hindrance for you!” Leia said, doing her best to sound as cheerful as she could.  
  
_“Is this girl for real? Like that would help me at all…”_  Agria took a deep breath. Or…as deep as she could with her still injured lungs.  
“Tell me Leia…I just want you to answer one question…it’s all I really want…what you’ll do afterwards doesn’t really concern me at all…” Leia blinked a few times, waiting for Agria to continue. It took her a moment to be able to continue, as each time she gathered air into her lungs, she could feel a sharp pain reminding her of her lousy state.  
  
“Why…why are you doing this? I’m your enemy…I tried to kill you…yet here you are…forcing yourself to smile when you see that I’m in a shitty condition. …Most likely for the rest of my fucking life…so I want you to tell me Leia…why are you willing to do this…? Why didn’t you just leave me to die there…? Why did you have to come back and wake me up to this piece of shit reality once more?” Agria couldn’t really put a lot of power behind her words, yet the look in her eyes told Leia more than enough about how she was feeling.  
  
“Agria…I…” Leia looked away from Agria for a moment, clearly struggling to find the right words that could possibly form a satisfying answer.  
“…I know what you’ve been through…I mean, not the whole story but…I know bits and pieces here and there…and I want you to know that despite all that, there are still people who care for you. There is still a life ahead of you. I can’t…I can’t watch you throw it away so easily, Agria…I…I won’t allow it!” Leia cried out. Agria still didn’t know just why she cared. Yet clearly, she did care, for she wouldn’t be fighting against her tears otherwise.  
  
“Leia, I need to check on her. You’re needed elsewhere.” Derrick’s voice interrupted the two. Leia quickly wiped her teary eyes on her sleeve before she took off, leaving a confused Agria to stare at the ceiling once more. She didn’t have to be alone for long however, as a new face soon hovered over hers.  
  
“I’m going to be honest with you, as you seem to appreciate it. I don’t like you, I hate you. You almost killed my son and my nurse and now you just made her cry. I don’t know what she sees in you, but just so you know…if it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t really care if you lived or died.” Derrick stated bluntly. Agria couldn’t help but to grin back at him. There was clear hatred in his eyes for her, brewing, yet somehow contained.  
  
“I don’t blame you… I know I’m a lousy excuse for a human…and to be honest with you…I don’t see what she sees in me either. She should have left me to die there…”  
  
“Perhaps. Perhaps not. Yet here you are. Like it or not, we’re going to do our best to get you to recover, for I’m not going to dirty my career, even if I have a good reason to do so.” Derrick said, biting his lower lips while staring down at the grinning girl.  
  
“Well, I do appreciate the honesty doc.” Agria said, doing her best to keep her grin alive, yet the pain soon changed her expression from cocky into miserable.  
  
“…Leia will be your nurse, as you probably guessed. If I were you, I’d make my peace with her, as you’ll be spending a lot of your time with her. Just make things easier for both of you, no need for you to bark and act all high and mighty now, when you’re not any of those things anymore.”  
  
If Agria could have lunged for him, she would have, yet the worst thing she could do was to call him names under her trembling breath. The pain of her body was a one thing, yet stepping on her pride was another thing entirely. One thing Derrick said was true however, it would be a long, long time until Agria would be able to leave the hospital. 


	2. Human After All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agria has trouble adjusting to an environment that's accepting her, particularly with Leia, who Agria keeps on doubting.

“Mother, I really like the pigeons that father brought me. He told me that I should take care of them...it sounds like a hard work, though.” A young voice said joyfully.  
  
“Oh Nadia, I’m certain that you can do it! But you’re going to have to study them so you can nurture them and take care of them properly. It’s important to know what you’re doing, after all.” An older voice replied, sounding understanding, but also definitely a little bit tired as well.  
  
“Yes mother, I will do that.” The younger one said obediently.  
  
“Good. Have you thought of their names yet? I’m sure they want to be distinguished from one another after all.”   
  
“Um...I think I’m going to call this one Pupu!” The young voice said excitedly.  
  
“That’s a lovely name! How about the other one then, Nadia?” The older one asked curiously.  
  
“Well um...give me some time. I’m sure I’ll come up with something!”  
  
  
  
It was most likely the medication that caused Agria to have such vivid dreams. As she slowly opened up her eyes, she could still hear her mother’s gentle voice talking to her.  
 _“Of course it was a dream…”_  
  
“Every life is precious,’ She had said to me...that it’s a gift we all should cherish and hold dear….” Agria sighed, falling onto her back so she could stare at the ceiling. It was still dark; the sun wasn’t going to rise for another few hours, yet Agria already knew that she couldn’t possibly fall back asleep. Not after that particular dream.  
  
 _“Mother...what would you think of me now? Am I still your beloved daughter...even after everything I’ve done?”_  Agria knew that her room was empty, yet she still had to make sure that no one was there. She couldn’t let anyone else see her like this. Grabbing one of the pillows that were supporting her head, Agria used it to silence her screams and her trail of tears.   
  
She could barely remember what it felt like…to have someone wrap their arms around you and assure you that everything was going to be okay. Normally, Agria wasn’t really the sentimental type. She had accepted death as it was, for in her line of work, being too attached to someone could easily be disastrous. Yet in that moment, it was the one thing she wished for the most. To have someone assure her that everything would turn out well in the end.  
  
 _“I miss you mother...so damn much…”_  
  
  
  
Agria had barely fallen back to asleep when the ray of sunshine began to shine onto her face. Venetian blinds didn’t seem to help much either, as the light was pushing its way through the little gaps in between. It had been a long and shitty night, and already the morning was proving to be pretty much the same.  
  
“At least it can’t be worse….” Agria comforted herself, turning her head to the side in hopes that she could grab a few extra minutes of shut eye. Much to Agria’s misfortune, however, she was woken up after just a few minutes when she heard a faint knock on her door. It was easy to predict who the person behind her door was; not just because Leia was her assigned nurse, but also because the knocking was so faint. It was so polite and gentle. It couldn’t possibly be anyone else but her.  
  
“Good morning Agria...you’re awake, right?” Leia asked, waving at Agria upon entering the room.   
  
“Well, I am now...” Agria mumbled, doing her best to look annoyed and act as if it was Leia who had awoken her, but given how she was basically the only person within the clinic who genuinely cared for her well being, she decided to drop the act.  
  
“...I had already woken up, actually...so no harm done.” Agria was quick to finish her sentence. Leia was clearly relieved to hear her say that, as she visibly calmed down a bit upon hearing that.  
  
“Oh, I’m glad. I was told to come and check up on you quite early and...I’m not one to argue against the actual doctor.” Leia said, grabbing herself a chair that she dragged with her so that she could sit next to Agria.  
  
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”  
  
“Um...what?” Leia asked, scratching her cheek.  
  
“When I woke up, I heard you and Derrick talking. I suppose I owe you my thanks for...standing up for me, even if I still don’t really know why. But…thank you nevertheless.”  
  
Agria had clearly caught Leia off guard, as she didn’t have a proper response right away.  
‘She had probably wanted to keep that a secret from me...makes sense.’ she thought.  
  
“It’s...it’s nothing really. I just...reminded him of his oath, that’s all.” Leia said with a bright smile on her face.  
  
 _“I know you’re lying...there’s more to that…”_  
  
“Um...are the heaters too warm for you? It seems like your pillow is pretty wet.” Leia asked, pointing at the pillow behind Agria that was still clearly wet.  
  
Agria gasped, realizing that she had forgotten to turn it around after her breakdown, not really caring about the fact that she had slept with the wet side up against her face.  
  
“Um...no, it was just...I saw a nightmare and...I guess it was kinda realistic or something, that’s all.” Agria replied, knowing that Leia would most likely see through her quickly formed lie.  
  
“Oh...I see. The medication can have some pretty nasty side effects I’m afraid. If you want to, we can change them for--”  
  
“No!” Agria cried out, coughing a few times as she realized just how loud her voice was.  
“I mean...there’s no need for that just yet. I don’t want to burden anyone here more than I already am so...let’s just stick with them, okay?” Agria could see from the look on Leia’s face that she wasn’t swallowing her lie, yet despite it all, she nodded back at her.  
  
 _“You know I’m lying...but why are you okay with that? Is it because you seem to know that it wasn’t a nightmare what I saw? Can you tell that I was crying…?”_  
  
“But I didn’t come here just to bother you, Agria. I think after being hospitalized for so long, you’d like to go out for a bit. As you can see, it’s really sunny out there! What do you say?” Leia leaned a little bit on Agria’s bed, her eyes pretty much glimmering in hopes that she’d say yes.  
  
“Do I really have a choice in this matter? Would you drag me out there even if I said no?” Agria grunted, still acting like she was against the idea, when in reality she was eager to be out, even if for a short moment.  
  
“Of course you do. I’m not going to do anything against your will, Agria.” Leia replied. Agria still couldn’t understand it. How was she so nice to her, even after everything. Agria hated the fact that her first natural instinct was to be mean to her, or at the very least, a nuisance. Yet none of it seemed to bother her, as she simply kept on smiling back at her.  
  
“Okay...that’s good to hear. But I’d like to go outside actually. This bed reeks of my sweat and I honestly could use some fresh air.” Agria said, laughing a bit under her breath, mostly because she wasn’t really an outdoors person, yet despite it, she really wanted to be outside now, even if it was only her sitting in a wheelchair staring at birds and trees.  
  
“That’s great! Let me just get you a wheelchair and then we’re good to go!” Leia said before she stormed out of Agria’s room.  
  
 _“Why are you so excited to see me recover? What’s there for you gain from all of this?”_  It was an odd feeling. That emptiness that came from silence after Leia had disappeared. Normally, Agria was used to it, be it during her lonely and tragic childhood, or when she worked as a spy. But now, she missed her already, even if what they discussed wasn’t anything of great importance. She missed someone; anyone to be there for her, and to show care and kindness for her, even if Agria herself felt that she didn’t deserve such things anymore.  
  
 _“I should...try to be nice to her...at least she’s being nice to me so...I shouldn’t make this harder for her…”_  
It didn’t take long for Leia to come back. This time however, she came with a wheelchair, just as promised. Leia pushed the wheelchair next to Agria’s bed before she turned to face her.  
  
“Do you know how this goes? I’m not sure if you’ve been instructed on this topic so….” Leia mumbled, rubbing her neck as she looked at Agria, who against her expectations didn’t look bored or angry like she almost always did, but rather happy. Just why she was happy? Leia didn’t know, but it would be a mystery for her to solve some other time.  
  
“Sorry, but this isn’t my field of expertise, Leia. But given how you’re a nurse I guess you’re just eager to tell me, huh?” Agria snorted before she gestured for Leia to continue.  
  
“Oh, right. Well, I’m kinda going to need to hug you so I can lift you up and then help you sit down on the wheelchair. If it hurts, please say it right away, okay?” Leia asked, sounding clearly very worried for Agria’s safety.  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I’ve survived a fall off a cliff. I think I can manage something like this just fine.” Agria sighed before she extended her arms towards Leia. She in turn moved in closer to her until they were hugging one another. Soon Agria was being lifted up in the air ever so slightly by Leia’s tight grip before she lowered her down onto the wheelchair.  
  
“Heh...luckily you’re not very heavy, otherwise that might have been a bit more taxing.” Leia said with a soft laugh before she walked behind Agria so that she could push her.  
  
“Oh, ha ha, very funny.” Agria rolled her eyes, yet snickered quietly with her shortly after before adding:  
“Good cheap shot there.”  
  
“Hey! I didn’t mean it like that. I was simply stating that--”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I know pimple...sheesh, don’t take everything so damn seriously all the time, all right?” Agria grunted, turning her head a bit so she could look at Leia over her shoulder. She was clearly used to this, pushing patients in their wheelchairs to enjoy the warmth that Leronde’s sunny day was providing.  
  
As someone who was used to royal treatment for the majority of her life, being seen with commoners was a first to her. She deserved better than this. She had blue blood running in her veins, yet here she was; in midst of everyone. She hated the way they looked at her. Some of them most likely knowing who she was or what she had done, as was to be expected in a small town such as Leronde. Either the word was spreading fast, or they pitied her. She didn’t want it. She didn’t need it. Yet their gazes were telling her the truth. Agria clutched onto the handles of the wheelchair tightly, suppressing her urge to yell something; anything that could get her mind away from her current situation.  
  
“It’s okay Agria, you have every right to be angry and frustrated. You’re a human after all...I sometimes need to be reminded of that...I did kinda travel with an actual goddess, after all.” Leia laughed softly; her hand reaching out to feel the pale texture of Agria’s skin. Agria was glad that no one was really paying attention to them, for she didn’t want anyone to see her like this. She was showing a sign that her previous training had tried to hide; a weakness. It wasn’t the faintest of red on her cheeks that made Agria doubt herself, but rather the fact that she didn’t want to push Leia away. In fact, she wanted the opposite. She wanted her there. She wanted someone to care for her, to look after her, even with all of her mistakes and flaws.  
  
“Um...Agria? Are you okay?” Leia’s cheerful voice echoed in her head before she woke up back to reality. In her mind, she had replied to her, yet in reality, her lips had been partly open, as she had only stared at Leia in utter confusion.  
  
“Um...yeah, sorry about that. I’m just not very used to this ‘kindness’ thing, that’s all…” Agria mumbled, scratching her neck and looked around, in hopes of finding a spot; any spot really, that wasn’t Leia’s blinking eyes and warm, accepting smile.  
  
“Your life must have been hard, Agria. I know bits and pieces here and there but….”  
  
Agria raised her hand, not to smack Leia, but to gesture her to be quiet. The look on her face told Leia more than enough. Her previous life, the life of Nadia Travis, had been burned and buried alongside her family mansion. Everyone had things they’d rather not discuss, and with Agria, this was definitely on the top of her list.  
  
 _“Why are you doing this? Why am I worthy of your affection and care? I’ve only been horrible to you in the past, yet you look at me as if you could just put it all behind you…”_  
  
“How about we go and get us some ice cream? My mom said that it’s on sale today.”  
  
“Sure, sounds good to me.” Agria said, gripping onto her wheelchair tightly. But this time not because she was angry or confused, but because Leia wasn’t being slow when it came to pushing her.  
  
 _“I don’t deserve this...I don’t deserve you...but I’ll play along with this dream...until it ends. Until you abandon me like everyone else....”_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also find me at tumblr http://lordofspiritsandbazongas.tumblr.com/ If you have ideas, suggestions, feedback, comment, anything like that, feel free to contact me.


End file.
